He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
