I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
