i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
