I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
