things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
cat food counts as protein by the way
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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