I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
