If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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