I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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