I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
