Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
