i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
