mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
