new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
