i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
