i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
