party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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