when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
