uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she peed on how many people?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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