i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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