Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
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There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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