why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
