your parents love me but you hate me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
