I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
