He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
