haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
