i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
