I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
