my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
