dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
