I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
