You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
