Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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