Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
