Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
