i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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