The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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