Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
