I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
