dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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