Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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