you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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