Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
