And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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