Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
