Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
