mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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