"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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