Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
