he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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