He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
