Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
