Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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