I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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