ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
