I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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