i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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