oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We have so much sex to catch up on
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
