All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
