Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
