so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
