It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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