I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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