Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
