There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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