Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
