I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
