We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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